Intricate Snowflakes

It is the first day of a new year. No snow in New England, yet.

My morning began with everyday activities of getting out the door for church with an eight year old.
Today felt different.
I had a sense of deep longing this morning as Elisha and I made our way into the santuary at church.
I love the worship there.
I can get lost in the music unto God.
January 1, 2012 marks a very signifant journey for me as I come into it with the knowledge that chemo treatment (round # 2 in the ring) will begin before the month is over.
“You see sickness and impossibilty, where I see health and all things are possible through me” was brought forth in a profetic word of hope today. HealingHope.
I cling to that good word, and to the God who has made my body, and has set my feet upon the rock to endure this next storm.

Good Morning, It’s God

This afternoon, as I pushed away the anxiety that my current health insurance dilemmas were causing, and the fears about seeing my oncologist tomorrow for what in my mind seems like a-well, the “it is time for chemo treatment” talk- a beloved colleague of mine walked into my classroom, and handed me a sheet of paper. She breezed in and out, as if on a compelling mission to make sure I had this unusual word of encouragement in my hand. It read in her daughters fun middle school aged script:

“Good Morning!
I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I don’t need your help. If the devil happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the things for Jesus to do box. It will be addressed in my time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed into the box do not attempt to hold on to it, or attempt to remove it. Holding on or removing it will delay the resolution of your problem. If it is a situation that you are capable of handling, please consult me in prayer to be sure that it is a proper resolution. Because I do not sleep nor do I slumber, there is no need for you to lose any sleep. Rest my child. If you need to contact me, I am only a prayer away. I love you.”
I was floored as I read this-quickly, and then again more carefully later, and now really deeply as I include it in my blog entry.
God never misses a beat of my panicked heart when it comes to this journey of cancer, and its treatments.

December is a time of joy.

My 50 something year old cousin died suddenly last week. Suddenly.

Life and death can be so abrupt. Well, perhaps that is not true. Life, we get 9 months or sometimes more to prepare for, and we live life daily…sometimes very purposefully or busily.
I have been attempting to live life more on purpose since overcoming the unspoken and jagged fear of cancer recurrence.
Since cancer reared its head again (last April) I am here to testify that fear doesn’t really grip me any longer. Not knowing doesn’t make me uneasy. Trusting in God places me in the comfort of His purpose and plan. Not a scary valley that I envisioned. In fact, I have these mini-mountaintop experiences spiritually since the confirmed recurrence.
I am living in it daily. Grateful. Joyful even.
Laughter, and time living helps feed the joy.
I wait, watch & live for God doing His great and mighty work in my life-even in my death-even if it comes suddenly.
In April 2009, I began to understand this saying I heard at a New Life weekend:
“If it is not one thing-it is another, and you just never know.”
I find myself saying this to people in my life…it’s become almost a commentary of my life since then…

Psalm 138: Verse 3 & 7 says:
When I called you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted.3
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life. 7
I have been reflecting on this scripture since coming home from the recent CT scan.
Today marks a significant day in my life.
God has made me stouthearted-BRAVE.
I wrote this letter below to many people today to tell of the wondrous thing God has done on my behalf.
My beloved family, dear friends near and far (geographically), my pastors, & my _______ Public School colleagues:
I am sorry for this mass email, but I know that you understand the communication is for all to read & comprehend, and I cannot possible send individual emails or call you all.:)
I am glad though that…

Some of you I was able to call (Mom, dad, Marlane, Cathy, Laurie, & Matt) to let you know the outcome of my meeting with the oncologist today at MGH.

Some I left voice mails (Teri and Ironce)
Some you I was able to see (Pastor Steve & Patti & Christina) and raise my hands to God in thankfulness, and then hug you to share in my news that:
I will NOT be going through chemotherapy treatments this summer!
This is why:
My recent CT scan (6.14) “looks good”. I quote her. My oncologist and the team is finding that they would just like to monitor me.
I don’t have to return to MGH until August 22nd for the “routine” CT scan and follow up!
As many of you know, I attended a healing service this past Monday.(6.13) (that’s a long story-testimony- in itself) Many of you have been praying with me for a complete healing and restoration from ovarian cancer and any recurrence of the disease since hearing of the impending June/July chemo treatments because of the suspected recurrence. aka “crumbs in my pelvic area & a swollen lymph node”
I am here to say: I am in a process of that complete healing & restoration-I know that God is able. He is my Healer.
I am here to say: I know that I trust Jesus for all the details. He’s my protocol.
I am here to say: I trust my chemo doctor and she is now saying: NO CHEMO.
I am here to say: I am going to live a life that has a hope and a future. Day by day.
I am here to say: Glory to God Almighty. He gets the credit always.
On the ride down to MGH today I listened to the Selah song “You are My Hiding Place” over and over again.
The lyrics describes best exactly where I am in regards to a cancer diagnosis and healing.
You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You

I will trust in You
Let the weak say
I am strong
In the strength of the Lord
You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You

I will trust in You
Let the weak say I am strong
In the strength of the Lord
All lyrics www.allthelyrics.com
I will trust in You

Below is a you tube version of the song as it is sung by the group Selah…
cut and paste in your address bar:
Please continue to pray for and rejoice with me in this good news!
Mary-Margaret

HealingHope

I have now subscribed to MGH’s carepageshttp://www.carepages.com/mgh
I may be blogging there only for a season.
Some circumstances in my own journey with ovarian cancer have changed as of the end of April.
“Crumbs” in my pelvic area have been found.
An enlarged lymph node is being watched…
and I am faced with a second round of chemotherapy
beginning at the end of June after another CT scan.
My hope:
God will supernaturally remove the recurrence from my body by June.
There will be no need to fight the cancer with chemo!
I will keep the details posted.

Another Cancer Patient

I have been to see Sarah B., a friend struggling with lung cancer, no treatment left, it has ravaged her system. She said to me so resolvedly the other day, “Cancer is some disease, isn’t it? I answered a knowing yes, torn, that her body is feeling the full effects of it, and mine had a short time with it, and recovering…is recovering…and I am now processing it in a layer of my being that I did not know existed.
The other day I wrote a free verse poem in response to my visit with her. I had gone to see her to get the chance to connect with her again, and pray over her.
It was an amazing blessed visit. I felt God’s presence in it, and was so glad to have been able to schlep down to MGH.

A Free Verse for a Friend
written after visiting Sarah Bollinger in Room 1610 at MGH
Mary-Margaret Almonte

Oh Sarah, sweet Sarah
You are a radiant woman, but oh, sooooo out of your kitchen element, and flour powdered clothing.
You are a mother to one, but beautifully a mom to many.
To know you is to love you.
Exuberant about life, food, oh food-seems to small a word for what you do with it.
F-O-O-D.
Magnificent creations crafted with time, effort, (seemingly effortless) love and expertise.
Sarah is about living. Living it up. Living Large. Living well.
Whipping up amazing ingredients that turn into extraordinary recipes.
Mirepoix and gusto.
Not to mention this gigantic cappuccino machine that sits in a corner of her beloved kitchen.
Upon entrance to her domain whether through her archway in front or the sliding glass back door, a person on any given day could be greeted with “Do you want me to make you a cappuccino- decaf?”
Sarah’s place was a space I sought refuge in during a season my home life was chaotic. It was like visiting a bed and breakfast without the overnight stay.
Decaf Cappuccino and mirepoix turned to a hearty squash soup, and a great story about Juliet Child calmed every frazzled nerve in me one day as I sat with Sarah in her kitchen..
Being served by Sarah was like taking a day at the spa, but she was massaging the inside of your stomach and your heart with good food and cheer that came in the form of food and conversation.
Oh Sarah, sweet Sarah.
Magnificent woman of great stature.
She is the “Joy of Cooking.”
Rapid-fire discussions of ingredients and processes weave anticipation of the first bite of sheer deliciousness.
Entrees, side dishes, side side dishes, and desserts.
Oh Sarah, sweet Sarah.
Her desserts!
What can I say?
No words really adequately describe the dessert experience of Sarah Bollinger.
Generous talent. Creative genius.
Her desserts “Take the Cake.”
Marzipan masterpieces found artistically placed on a cake that speaks the theme sometimes loud or with a whisper.
A glance told her themes.
A stare made you drool.
A bite screamed her talent.
Sarah’s food tells stories.
She is a woman full of stories.
Stories of lives, death, joy, sorrow, success, disappointment, humor and delight.
These weave her tapestry that is uniquely hers.
Now, skating on a frozen river.
Cancer.
Life.
Death.
Possible-probable death.

Oh Jesus, sweet Jesus please extend her life, Heal her lungs, and touch her whole being, so she can stay with us longer.

Sarah may depart from us one day, maybe too soon, but there is a certainty that she will stay forever, and be
Sarah, sweet Sarah, in all of our hearts.

March 23rd “This month has roared in…”

I am so weary of the cold New England weather. It’s been weeks now since Jenna’s funeral.
I am thinking mostly about her mom, and the cold harsh grief that I am certain has stricken her.
I pray for her.
I regret not reaching out to Jenna in more than just knowing smiles.
I regret not talking with the girl. Thinking that’s there’d be time.
I should know better than this…
Time is now to do what moves you-especially when there is a cancer diagnosis involved.
I need to take this all to heart….
I am somehow hopeful though.
I remember asking-sometimes begging-God to give me strength for today and HOPE for tomorrow.
I am now walking in the hope of His miraculous recovery over me.
Grateful.
Quieter.
Happier.